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Story

If I told you a story would you sit there and listen,
Would you interrupt and ask questions.
Would you tell me your honest opinion about what you think, instead of what somebody told you.
Would you just say that she is playing the victim or see the progress she has made.
Or would you just be one of those people who are ignorant to society and never deserved to hear my  story  in the first  place

 

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Alone, Afraid and Terrified

dontbeashamed

You jumped to a rash decision that was never going to affect your life. Not one time did you ask about it or said you were sorry. She has never in her life known someone who was in shock to be sent off to live with somebody she didn’t know or hadn’t seen in over two decades

Your words were harsh and it’s not because she was weak. You were like everybody else trying to have power and control that you didn’t even know how in shock she was, or how she was rambling and what was supposed to be sentences turned into just one word.

In that instance you treated her worse than anybody ever had and you were the one that meant the world to her. Everything shattered in an instance and the second she got out the car she had been through three breakdowns in three different cities.

Alone, Afraid and Terrified and still felt trapped and torched in somebody else reality show. It was the most tragic event ever to have happened to her and there were so many unknown people, familiar people, she saw so many visions that her head was about to explode again and this man was mean and had no ideal how to treat someone. Guess I was supposed to be reliving something just because you thought she was use to something.

The thing is she never thought that she was weak, she was always strong and her faith was so strong. she may cry tears, have thousand of things that she will never know of and be 295.7 but at least I’m alive, safe, surrounded by love and not letting power and control define me anymore.

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Something Lost

Who were you to define who you thought she was, what she meant and how she felt. You disregard her feelings and changed them to what you wanted them to mean. Trust was lost in a matter of seconds when your words showed how you really cared about her. Years of being in your life and it never meant one thing to you.

There’s days when she think about it, There’s days when she cries over it and there’s days when she is over  with it. Those are the days that seem to either be the strongest or the weakest. Since we don’t communicate anymore that say’s it all right there. It was never about an apology, but some understanding and it wasn’t about something revolving around me it was about you knowing the story.

With the help of my support team I have closed that chapter in my life with no rage, and no power. She knows that none of this was her fault and while you were using your words as a form of power, she shut down her heart so that it wouldn’t bleed in hurt anymore.

pple

 

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Shadow of Darkness

She saw you last night and you were just standing there.  Standing in the shadows of darkness in pure silence.  It was a side of seriousness that had not been attained in a while for us.  If you knew the thousand of questions she wanted to ask you and it was nothing like what you would have expected.  You just being there spoke in volumes enough that she really couldn’t have asked for anything more.

She just sat there in silence as well wondering what was going on.  She wanted to jump up, give you a hug and know what has been going  on.  All that was ever given was a heart-warming smile and as he walked away he blew a kiss and said, I’m sorry and vanished into thin air.

shadow

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Reality Inside Her Head

Her head explodes everyday with so much unnecessary information that even though she is standing still she feels like she is running and gasping for air at the same time.

There are so many thoughts that she wonders if they can see everything playing on their screen. Do they know who these people are? because some of them she has never seen before so how is she suppose to tell them something.  Even though it’s sad some she don’t talk to anymore and really just don’t care anymore and those must be the people who she really can’t see she just knew what happened.

How come nobody told her about the rules? Are there any rules? How are you born this way? The list of questions goes on and on. She thinks she knows how it started but nobody ever believed what she said.

If she had to be connected with machines just to know the truth she would have already been in that program.  Instead she sits, watches and hears everything that is going on and hope it’s never someone who means the most and that will be the one time she can’t find them.

 

 

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No Emotion

She can’t feel any emotions

and even if she could she wouldn’t care anyway.

Too many people all hurt her at the same time

and it was too many people that she trusted.

Now they live in some world of non-existence

and all she wants to do is escape someplace.

If she would have known she would have stayed right where she was

and it would have ended a lot soon.

I don’t want people on my team who talk just because they like to hear themselves.

I don’t want a baby mama who only knows that role

Sorry is sorry but

you can’t expect the golden arches to come down just because that’s the way you want it.

I like where I am at

and I don’t even want to come back to that city.

It would just be pointless

and at least one person is going to feel like it’s there right to make me go to some manic state.

I want to end the chapter since there is no emotion.

No emotions  no heartbreak

no heartbreak no reasons

This is one of my many last goodbye’s

because the other one comes in a form

of a doctor’s signature

and that is the one that is going to come from the hurt.

Until then,

NO EMOTION

show

 

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The story is about to end

She didn’t like the role she got herself into.

It was very predictable of how it was going to go down

once she arrived there.

There were so many rules

that she could have gotten  more comfort

from being alone at  her house,

If for any reason she gave you the wrong impression she is sorry

but what she won’t tolerate is you thinking you have all the control and power,

When you are ready for something that’s when you hit her up.

If you would have just said what was going on then maybe something would have been worked out.

Yet instead you did what every guy has already done

that was a major turn-off

You don’t hang up on someone and don’t call them back

It’s sad that she had to learn something from taxi cab confessions

when you should have just told her.

If you really want to see me you would have made every effort to do so

but you played some game that has been played out.

A game that I’m all too familiar with.

Don’t get an attitude with me

because I won’t work myself into your schedule or situation.

Your not going to have me playing mommy

and  you can’t even take me anywhere

or

getting attached to a child that isn’t mine.

I can overlook the number

but what I can’t overlook is why she isn’t staying with you.

Why did you dump her on someone else.

What ever female you thought I was

you were wrong.

One thing I won’t do is lower my standard

just to know how the story is about to end.

theend

 

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Flat-lined

A person can only put up with so much

before either the tears fall,

before hurt fills their heart,

before they have had their breaking point.

When they get to the point of being fed up

most of the time no words have to be said

telephone numbers can be changed

protection orders can be taken out

Yet the one thing she should have done

was went with her first instinct

and have them see

her heart flat-lined

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She cried

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The tears fell down her face in the middle of the night.

She laid still  with a rapid heartbeat

there was no sound just pure silence in the background

She laid there with her arms around

one of her twin cabbage patch kids

and cried

and cried

and talked

The only best thing in the world

is she was longing for a hug

and that seemed to help in many ways.

She cried

and  cried

something things she doesn’t understand

and those are things that she really needs to know

but every time she ask a question

the answer is always nobody knows how to talk to you

anymore because you are so sensitive.

She cried even more

because the fact is when you say something hurtful

it would affect someone in one ways then you would think.

She cried because at that moment

she wished her baby would talk to her

It gets lonely

when there is nobody

and you are always in silence.

Crying and crying

because she knows

it’s always going to be like this

It’s a never-ending battle

that always full of pain.

 

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Sometimes

Sometimes you think why

and even though you want an answer chances are you aren’t going to believe it.

Sometimes somebody hurts you

and you want  an apology but saying, I’m sorry isn’t good enough.

Aren’t you worth gold to know what they are sorry for?

You can cry at a moments notice from listening to a song, or watching a  movie

and totally break down over a past break-up just because you suppressed

and now your real feelings are starting to show.

Sometimes you feel like you have nobody

The fact is you don’t have to agree with how I feel or what I am going through

Do you know how a hug speaks  volumes,

Do you know that an email with a just thinking about you

can light up somebody’s smile.

Sometimes people just don’t care

and somebody always get’s hurt.

Sometimes when someone walks away

doesn’t call you

a text sounds cold

just leave them alone

because maybe you were the person

who made them feel worse than what the problem really was.

Just let it be sometimes.

hope (1)

 

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