allthepageswereoutoforder

floating in the air

One minute she was on a level of high, floating in the air, and anger out.

Within a phone call conversation and hearing someone’s voice in the background

She turned into an entirely different person.

The rage,  and hatred came out

And she still doesn’t understand why.

It’s never going to work

And I can’t fake it and I wouldn’t want to

Might as well say our last goodbye’s now

Cause the only time I could tolerate being around you

Is when she closes her eyes to death.

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MIA

I’ve been MIA for a while and I think I might be ready to come back.  There was so much going on that I don’t know where to start.

Yelling

Screaming

Sounds like a war in your head

you can’t figure out what voice is which

But the other girl is the one who sits in silence.

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Direction of the Day

allthepageswereoutoforder

Blank_Face____Hidden_Feelngs___by_50500

Her direction is all over the place, just like the voices in her head.

  She gave up on wanting to know the reason because the truth will never be the truth.

Do you know how many days are silent but it’s so loud.

  Do you know how to cry without shedding a tear?

 All to wake up and wonder if you are going to have to go through it all again the next day.

 

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Torn Apart

Never would she ever imagine that there would be a time goodbye was in order.

We had a relationship that nobody could tear apart, but within seconds she didn’t know if you were the same person or the person who was secretly trying to kill her.

Tears are finished

Hurt will always be there

We aren’t in the same city so there is no possibility of me running into you.

Things change

Season fades

And love dies

Hope it was worth the price for you.

Yesterday

 

 

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Skeleton’s Surprise

Dark in a disclosed place.

The house was immaculant.

Pure silence as she walked through the house.

The steps didn’t even creak as she walked up them.

She searched every room as though she was looking for someone but every room came up empty.

She turned around as she felt a presence near her and went down the other hallway and stopped at the door that was half way open. She walked in and saw the image of a skeleton sitting propped up by the window. Someone needed to come take the remains to the resting place where the body deserved to lay.

As she was walking back out the door she heard a little girl screaming Mommy, Mommy but saw nobody in sight. As the tear ran down her face the image became clear and it was her little girl she buried three years ago. What she thought was a tragic day turned out to be one of the best days of her life.

heaven

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Alone, Afraid and Terrified

dontbeashamed

You jumped to a rash decision that was never going to affect your life. Not one time did you ask about it or said you were sorry. She has never in her life known someone who was in shock to be sent off to live with somebody she didn’t know or hadn’t seen in over two decades

Your words were harsh and it’s not because she was weak. You were like everybody else trying to have power and control that you didn’t even know how in shock she was, or how she was rambling and what was supposed to be sentences turned into just one word.

In that instance you treated her worse than anybody ever had and you were the one that meant the world to her. Everything shattered in an instance and the second she got out the car she had been through three breakdowns in three different cities.

Alone, Afraid and Terrified and still felt trapped and torched in somebody else reality show. It was the most tragic event ever to have happened to her and there were so many unknown people, familiar people, she saw so many visions that her head was about to explode again and this man was mean and had no ideal how to treat someone. Guess I was supposed to be reliving something just because you thought she was use to something.

The thing is she never thought that she was weak, she was always strong and her faith was so strong. she may cry tears, have thousand of things that she will never know of and be 295.7 but at least I’m alive, safe, surrounded by love and not letting power and control define me anymore.

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Blushed

She blushed

silently

as the tears fell

she didn’t know who to turn to.

She wept as if there were no tomorrow.

She wakes up every day and wonder who she is

waking up to wonder if that is what he felt like.

She blushed because

she has a thousand questions

but who’s going to take a blushed

personality serious?

blush

 

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Just be..

just-be
Together for a lifetime
blinded by reality
escaped years of unhappiness
never far from my heart.
when things got bad she tried to turn to you
but just like before it was never the right time
and you were always to busy.
Never knew how precious life was until it was almost taken away
and that lifetime had so much going on he couldn’t make a pit-stop.
Escaping the pain and ended back at the place she never wanted to be
she wasn’t welcomed.
It’s easy to go back to what’s familiar but the problem with that if nothing was ever resolved you’re going to be on that same page where you left off at.
As much as you think this is the person that knows you so well you just need to feel safe and secure and that was the one place but for the first time you felt out-of-place like you were in a world where he made everything yours but it was at the wrong time.
She still tells him everything

He still tells her most things

built it’s not the same
and it’s never going to be a lifetime again
because that page was never discussed, ripped out or re-written
to know if something could be rebuilt.
Always and Forever,
he will always be
just be…….
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The Front Porch

There she was just lying there for someone to pick her up

What did she do that was so bad that someone would leave her

how did they know that she was in good hands

What made her pick this house out of all the houses on the block.

She laid their crying for what seems like hours

but at least she was warm

and knew that it was a lot of love inside of her basket.

Finally someone opened the door and saw me in the basket

and read the note, which said

You need her more than I do and now you will have someone who will always love you.

She was safe and she was loved

even though her parents were always there for her

she always remembers that she was the girl who was left out on the front porch because her biological mom didn’t love her.

At the end of the day she always knew she was in good hands

and never regretted a moment of how long it took them to open the door.

rsz_1rsz_2baby-floating-in-a-basket

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Can’t Erase

She’s never going to be able to erase the feeling

of not being wanted,

She’s never going to grasp the concept

why you didn’t believe her.

In general she isn’t going to know why.

Even if someone told her she still wouldn’t believe it

It’s been going on for far too long

that any explanation now

will still be lies.

How can you forget

when it’s constantly being played

in the one place you would never expect.

 

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