allthepageswereoutoforder

floating in the air

One minute she was on a level of high, floating in the air, and anger out.

Within a phone call conversation and hearing someone’s voice in the background

She turned into an entirely different person.

The rage,  and hatred came out

And she still doesn’t understand why.

It’s never going to work

And I can’t fake it and I wouldn’t want to

Might as well say our last goodbye’s now

Cause the only time I could tolerate being around you

Is when she closes her eyes to death.

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Story

If I told you a story would you sit there and listen,
Would you interrupt and ask questions.
Would you tell me your honest opinion about what you think, instead of what somebody told you.
Would you just say that she is playing the victim or see the progress she has made.
Or would you just be one of those people who are ignorant to society and never deserved to hear my  story  in the first  place

 

whats_your_story_000

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MIA

I’ve been MIA for a while and I think I might be ready to come back.  There was so much going on that I don’t know where to start.

Yelling

Screaming

Sounds like a war in your head

you can’t figure out what voice is which

But the other girl is the one who sits in silence.

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Enough is Enough

Rev. Solan Wise, guest pastor

1 Kings 17:8-16

 

Enough is enough when God directs it.  Verse 14, if you make for us you will see you will never run out of food.  She was blessed abundantly .  Most people don’t like to share. People are quick to say well why don’t you do this first and then I will do what you asked me to.  . God’s promise versus Fulfillment.  The more we exercise our faith the more we acknowledge God.

We want God to burst open pantry with perishable goods, why didn’t he just give her food daily. Just flour and oil but they have expiration dates.  We don’t need to ask God to fill our bodies with things that are going to expire or wilt away.

Enough is Enough because God delivers.  We pray for addition.  Buy me a new house, but instead he multiples and lets the roof not leak or not allow people to break into your home.  You already have what  you need.

 

When you woke up this morning you decided if you were going to have cereal or yogurt, if you were going to church or not, if you were going to speed or go the speed limit.

 

Homicide is killing of a human, Suicide is killing yourself and decide is killing your options.  In chapter 18 Elijah made a decision.  End of the drought and send some rain.  We kink up our lives by road blocks, temptation, cussing somebody out and areas that bring judgment on our sins.  We try to untie the knots by ourselves but God makes the decision to cut the knots so you don’t have any more kinks.

 

There is nothing wrong with having nice stuff but we shouldn’t overlook when enough is enough.

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Weekend Getaway

Scared, not sure of safety

Knots in her chest of wanting to know if this was okay

Taking deep breaths because she had known him what seemed like her whole life.

Excitement filled her mind when he pulled up and all fear left her mind because protection kicked right in. Have someone treat you the same was the gift that was priceless

Nice weekend, nice adventure and a smile she hasn’t had in years was all worth it to have the love of your life just for new memories.

 

Yesterday

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Direction of the Day

allthepageswereoutoforder

Blank_Face____Hidden_Feelngs___by_50500

Her direction is all over the place, just like the voices in her head.

  She gave up on wanting to know the reason because the truth will never be the truth.

Do you know how many days are silent but it’s so loud.

  Do you know how to cry without shedding a tear?

 All to wake up and wonder if you are going to have to go through it all again the next day.

 

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In a World

In a world so high

So serene

So peaceful

That one can only enjoy the day

No thoughts

Just you

She closes her eyes and can feel the wind blowing through her hair

The butterfly that just landed on her knee

A day of perfection

When things change it’s a low

The tears are streaming

Her chest is tight

She can’t stop the feelings coming in because they happen so fast

She lives in a world where her days are never known what they are going to be like

She doesn’t know if she is going to be in a world of life or death

She lives in a world where every all she did was yell like she was in charge of his whole entire show but forget it was somebody’s life.  She felt why bring her home for all of this. One more blow and she would have been killed.  Thanks for making her relive almost the same experience,  what a triple whammy.

She lives in a world where she’s talking to you like she doesn’t know you, but she knows everything about you. For some reason you reached out to her and that was the piece that she needed to find out if somebody human was there.
She was 80 pounds who looked like she walked out of a grave with pale skin. She hit herself in the head so much because the volume in her eardrums was too loud. She looked traumatized and spaced out for a whole year and a half.  First staying with some man she hasn’t seen in over two decades and a stranger who took her in.

She lives in a world where it was glossed over and she was hurt the most, and now her best friend seems to be the meds she takes everyday to make her sane.

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Your Mama’s Faith

Timothy 2:1-5

You don’t like people talking about your mama. There are people in the hospital because they talked about somebody’s mama, there are people in jail because they talked about somebody mother. Out of all the things he could remember about this mother was her faith. Faith is the most essential and fundamental than anything else. Faith in the background got into the foreground.

We owe ourselves. It takes faith to become a mother. Fearful you won’t come back. Forced no choice to go with it. It takes a little faith. Faith to raise a baby by itself and faith to be a mother.

Our successes are the reason you are where you are today is because you had a mama in the background. When nobody else believed you ‘s said that’s my child, that’s my baby.

Salvation in mama’s faith taught you have to pray. Who taught you to kneel at night, and say Now I a lay me down the sleep. When she sat beside you at the table she taught you God is good God is great. When you get stuck in prayer say, Lord you know my heart or Jesus Wept

People say they can’t bring their child to church because he don’t know how to act. He won’t sit still or he won’t be quiet. How do you know he won'[t if you don’t bring him. If he can sit in front of the television and watch Dora the Explorer, Dog with a blog, Sponge Bob or anything else then he can come and serve Jesus Christ.

You may not owe it to your mother, but you owe it to a mother.

faith-of-our-mothers

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Torn Apart

Never would she ever imagine that there would be a time goodbye was in order.

We had a relationship that nobody could tear apart, but within seconds she didn’t know if you were the same person or the person who was secretly trying to kill her.

Tears are finished

Hurt will always be there

We aren’t in the same city so there is no possibility of me running into you.

Things change

Season fades

And love dies

Hope it was worth the price for you.

Yesterday

 

 

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She stood there still

She stood there still

Because that is all she could do

With the loud conversation playing in her eardrums

She heard every storyline and recognized everybody voice.

It made her insane for a year and a half

And all kinds on things happened

They think it’s some joke

To be in a position to hurt someone like that.

If you think a simple I’m sorry is going to do it, you’re wrong

If you think hitting like on face-book is going to make it better, you’re wrong.

Nothing is ever going to be the same

And she still stands there still because sometimes that is all she can do.

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